How to Write a Eulogy: A Plain Structure You Can Finish

How to Write a Eulogy: A Calm Structure When Words Feel Hard

Key takeaways

• A eulogy is a short speech that shares who the person was and what they meant to you. You do not need fancy words.
• Start with a few true stories, not a full life history. Sharing memories can also help the people who are grieving.[1]
• Use a simple five-part outline: opening, who they were, stories, what they leave behind, closing.
• Aim for about 3 to 5 minutes when spoken (roughly 400–700 words). Shorter is fine.
• Write it down. Practice once out loud. Ask someone else to stand ready if you cannot finish.
• An obituary (the written notice) is different from a eulogy (the spoken tribute). You can draft both.

• Related: What to do when someone dies

Preserve family memories with

.

Eulogy vs. obituary

This comparison is an original teaching aid for this page. Service customs vary by faith and family.

If you also need a written notice, try

.

Before you write: gather, don't invent

Grief can make decisions hard. NIA notes that people who are grieving often have trouble concentrating and making decisions, and that sharing memories with others can help.[1]

Try this short gather list:

1. Ask 2–3 people for one story each (childhood, work, a habit, a kindness).
2. Pull 3 facts you want correct: full name, years if you choose to share them, closest relationships.
3. Note any faith or family customs the service will follow (who speaks, how long, prayers or readings).
4. Decide the tone: warm, funny-where-true, quiet, or formal. Match the person, not a template.

You do not need every achievement. A few true moments land better than a résumé.

A five-part outline you can copy

Use this as a fill-in sheet. Leave blanks blank if you do not need them.

1. Opening (2–3 sentences)

• Who you are and how you knew them
• One sentence that names the person and why you are speaking

Example stem: "I'm [Name], [relationship]. I want to share a little of who [Name] was to us."

2. Who they were (a short portrait)

• Three traits people would recognize (patient, stubborn about the garden, quick to laugh)
• One role that mattered (parent, neighbor, teacher, teammate)

3. Two or three stories (the heart of the eulogy)

• Prefer small, specific scenes over big claims
• Include a detail people can see (the blue mug, the Tuesday calls, the way they hummed)

4. What they leave behind

• Values, lessons, or habits the family wants to keep
• A brief thank-you to caregivers, friends, or a community if that fits

5. Closing

• One line of goodbye, a short blessing, or a reading you have permission to use
• Stop. Do not tack on a second ending.

Timing guide

Word counts are approximate for calm spoken English. Ask the person leading the service how much time you have.

Writing tips that keep it human

• Write for the ear. Short sentences. Read it out loud once and cut anything you trip over.
• Prefer "we" and names over abstract praise ("She was the best") without a story under it.
• Humor is fine if it was theirs. One light moment can help a room breathe. Avoid private jokes that leave most people out.
• Skip settling scores. A eulogy is not the place for family disputes.
• If you freeze, pause, breathe, and skip to the next story. Having a printed copy in large type helps.
• Ask a backup reader to hold a second copy.

NIA also notes there is no single right way to mourn, and that feelings during grief can include numbness, anger, guilt, and trouble concentrating.[1] Be gentle with yourself if the draft takes a few tries.

Sample skeleton (fill in the brackets)

I'm [your name], [Mom/Dad/friend]'s [relationship].
[Name] was [trait], [trait], and [trait]. Most of all, they were [one plain truth].
I keep thinking about the time [short story with a detail].
And how they [second short story].
What I want to carry forward is [value or habit].
[Name], thank you. We love you. We'll look after [people / garden / tradition].

Replace every bracket. Delete any line that does not sound like you.

If writing feels impossible right now

• Dictate into your phone, then tidy the transcript.

• Ask a sibling or friend to interview you for 15 minutes and turn your answers into a draft you edit.

• Choose a short reading (a poem, a psalm, a letter) and speak only a one-minute personal intro—if that is allowed at the service.

• When you are ready, an obituary draft can wait a day or two; funeral shopping rights under the FTC Funeral Rule still let you compare prices by phone without rushing every decision at once.[2]

• Related: What to do when someone dies

FAQ

How long should a eulogy be?
Often about 3 to 5 minutes. Ask the officiant. Shorter is better than rushing.

What should I say in a eulogy?
Who you are, who they were in a few traits, two true stories, what you will carry forward, and a simple goodbye.

Is a eulogy the same as an obituary?
No. A eulogy is usually spoken. An obituary is a written notice.

What if I cry and cannot finish?
Pause. Skip ahead. Hand the page to your backup reader. People understand.

Do I have to write it myself?
No. You can co-write with family. Just make sure the stories are true and the tone fits the person.

Sources

1. National Institute on Aging. Coping With Grief and Loss. NIH/NIA. Content reviewed November 17, 2022. https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/grief-and-mourning/coping-grief-and-loss. Accessed October 29, 2026.
2. Federal Trade Commission. Shopping for Funeral Services (consumer brochure on the FTC Funeral Rule). FTC. n.d. https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/GOVPUB-FT-PURL-gpo52591/pdf/GOVPUB-FT-PURL-gpo52591.pdf. Accessed October 29, 2026.

Disclaimer

This article is for general education only and is not medical, legal, or financial advice. Talk to your doctor, a licensed attorney, or a SHIP counselor (Medicare) about your situation. In an emergency, call 911.

Attribution

Portions of this page are adapted from "HowToLiveBetter" (高性价比人生指南) by eternity4719, https://github.com/eternity4719/HowToLiveBetter, licensed under CC BY 4.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/). Changes: topic idea (after a death—remembering the person) adapted from Chapter 25; rewritten for the U.S. context (not a direct translation), and re-sourced to U.S. research and official guidance.